Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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