I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
