i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
