Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
