Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
