Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
