highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
