I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
