Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
