So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
