When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
