10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
