So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
