i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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