Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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