Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
