I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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