On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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