so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There's always time for handjobs
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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