yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
