We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
