I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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