He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
