Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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