No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
