she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
