I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
