Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So much rum. So many feels.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
