I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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