Joe is yelling at the trees again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
