You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
