he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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