I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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