You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
