I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
