so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
