some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
