yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
