Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
