after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
