I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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