Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
