**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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