if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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