The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
