Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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