We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
