are you still at the devil's house?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
