Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
