i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
