im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
