I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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