i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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