A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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